off the cliff of experience tomorrow.
let us hope i sprout wings.
Boston, New York here i come
Hayley Coupon - Feels Like We Only Go Backwards (Tame Impala Cover)
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My friend once chided me for my bad habit of conforming song lyrics to my life to create a narrative that dramaticized the stakes and realities of the interpersonal situations I found myself in.
Lately I’ve been walking a much more even, tempered path. But I feel as if I’ve withdrawn the amount of trust I’m willing to extend to potential new friends or lovers - openess and kindness are qualities I’ve valued so highly, but my dedication to them seems to wane as I wade into adulthood.
I woke up this morning with this song stuck in my head, reminding me of where I was a year ago. Who I was with, what I wanted, who I trusted. I am so grateful for all that I have received in this past year, but its hard not to romanticize and long for what has come to pass.
Sitting on my balcony with Erica, she described the basic theory behind trimming a tree. If a branch is severed in the wrong place, it confuses the tree. The sore leaves it open to infection and disease, while the tree continues to route energy and nutrition to a branch long departed.
I feel like so many of my branches have been cut. I keep putting energy towards nursing these wounds, rather than reaching my remaining branches up towards the sun. I’ve chosen to no longer be chided by this friend’s words. But I’ve also chosen to give up this same friends’ encouragement, inspiration, and support.
"feels like I only go backwards, every part of me says go ahead."